Carl preps for the "Month of the Crocodile"



SOBEK

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jeff_Dahl

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jeff_Dahl



Well, it all kicks off tomorrow.  June 1st marks the start of the Month of the Crocodile.  Now, to be honest, crocodiles don't tend to celebrate it.  But that's because crocs don't tend to celebrate at all.  No, the Month of the Crocodile is a made-up thing.  And made-up things are human things.  Pretty much.

My keeper's making me write this.  He makes me write all sorts of junk.

Anyhow, what happens during the Month of the Crocodile is this:  People talk loads about crocodiles and remember the good times.  And the bad times.

They'll also do a bit of worshipping (OK, I added that bit while my keeper was making a cup of tea.)

See that customer on the left?  That's Sobek.  He's a genuine Egyptian god.  Check his head out.  It's a croc, init!  Makes me chuckle.  Well, legend has it (my keeper has it) that the festival of Sobek falls on June 30th and follows a month of reptilian revelry.  Which is a bit of a coincidence, if you think about it.  What with me going on eBay in June with a sale end date of the 30th.  Crazy, huh?

Long story short, you gotta think about crocs and bid on a certain false idol.  What false idol is that, I hear you asking...  That'll be yours truly:

Carl



Carl on the Bank Holiday

Started off nice today.  Then turned rainy.  Kind of reminds me of home in the swamp.  Less flies though.

Carl's Croco-fact #1

If you want to escape from crocodiles, run in zigzags.  They'll follow you and their cornering is pants.


The croc on the left can be found in Nimes, not far from the famous amphitheatre.  Course, he don't run in zigzags, coz he's been got.

If you want a croc of your own then you can bid on me, Carl, on eBay next month.  My keeper made me say that.  Told me to tell you that I have the perfect mouth for holding business cards and wotnot.  Says I'm a handcarved artisanal wonder.

Anyway, what he won't tell you is that he bought me in Ashford from a lady with a moustache.  He thinks that'll drive my value down.  I disagree.

If anything, it just adds to my enigmatic provenance.

Laters,

Carl.

Carl says "Hiya"

You know, it ain't easy being a wooden crocodile.  Oh sure, you get polished and shit.  You get prime placement on top of a storage heater in a tastefully decorated front room.  Yeh, you get all that.  But where's the respect?

Talking of respect... do you know I was an "exhibit", a "product" if you will (can you imagine) on eBay recently?  I know.  Flipping unbelieveable.  You know the worst part?  I didn't sell.  The indignity.

Check it out.  It makes me feel ill:

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=160585830157&ssPageName=STRK:MEUSX:IT

Suffice it to say that 99p wasn't a serious price.  I mean... just take a look at my goddamn woodgrain.  Sweet, or what?

Well.  I will be blogging until the end of June about my life, my loves... OK, my life.  Ok, my woodenness.  Whatever.  But come the end of June, you could be bidding for a reptilian legend.

Come on sweethearts... don't make me deathroll your ass...

Love

Carl