Carl lays some lyrics down

MUSIC WITH A BITE
(Source tomcatdesign.co.uk)

Today, I was humming this tune.  So I thought I'd put words to it.

What with my stumpy arms, I'm gonna struggle to learn guitar to play along to it though.  Maybe I'll just perform it acapella - crocodile-style.

You may recall, we crocs have quite an impressive vocal range (see June 19 post).

Anyway, here it is.  My song.

Carl the Crocodile

In the stinky waters of the River Nile,

Where the mozzies buzz by the muddy banks

And the ibis flies the Egyptian skies,

There's a slinky, warty crocodile

Goes by the name of Carl.

In the stinky waters of the River Nile,

That snakes due south from the delta's mouth

Past dipping bows and sipping cows,

There's a sleek and wise streetwise reptile

Goes by the name of Carl.

Well he floats like a log

But he still has time to blog;

He's the crocodile with a lot o' bile;

He's a puppyphile with a killer's smile;

And he sure likes eating dog.

In the stinky waters of the River Nile,

Past pyramids that the pharoahs hid

And the swaying reeds and the sodden weeds,

There's a woodcarved, charming crocodile

Goes by the name of Carl.

Well he floats like a log

But he still has time to blog;

He's the crocodile with a lot o' guile;

He's a puppyphile with a killer's smile;

And he sure likes eating dog.

So-bek, almighty Sobek,

Carl is selling soon.

So-bek, the feast of Sobek,

On the thirtieth of June.

Well he floats like a log

But he still has time to blog;

He's the crocodile with a lot o' style;

He's a puppyphile with a killer's smile;

And he sure likes eating dog.

So there it is.  Hope you enjoyed it.

Keep rockin'

Carl

Carl gets retro

Crocs don't really have history as a concept.  We don't look back to such and such a period of time, at such and such individuals, doing such or such exploits.  If you're thinking about ancient Egypt and Sobek the crocodile god (see May 31 post) right now, then you're forgetting what I told you.  That's a human thing, coz it's made-up.  If you're thinking about the dawn of the crocodile during the Eocene, then pretty much ditto.  Although respect for remembering.  Means a lot.

Crocs live in the here and now.  Whether that's sitting on a storage heater or patrolling a stinky river.

SECOND PRIZE IN A BEAUTY CONTEST
(Source: Carl's photo-shoot)

But you've probably figured out that I'm not a normal croc.  And sometimes the Keeper's human culture rubs off on me.  Take for example this old advert that he showed me on youtube.  It's for a chocolate egg and he says the language is scottish: Kinder ad

It makes him laugh.  He must of watched it like ten times.  I think it stars some kind of gnome and you know how I feel about those.

Anyway, now he's decided it's time I did a retro photo-shoot.  Yeh, I just love that.  You can see one of the pictures on the right.  I didn't want to put the rest up.  They made me feel dirty.

OK, so that was my retro trip.  Back to the here and now.

Monday tomorrow...

Sleep tight,


Carl

Carl wonders whether he is Swiss

I spose it's inevitable really, when you're about to be put on eBay as an "item"; when you are advertised as handcrafted, wood-carved or even charming.  It's inevitable that questions of Provenance arise.

Who am I?  Where did I come from?  I could look to the almighty Sobek (see May 31 post) for a pointer.  But just coz I'm a croc, doesn't mean I came from Egypt.  That's like saying that all potatoes come from Ireland or all dinosaurs come from Dorset.  Besides, Sobek is made-up.  That's a human thing.  And humans weren't around during the Eocene Epoch.  Unlike crocs.  That's when we hit the scene.

Course, when humans are searching for their identity, they don't normally go back to the Garden of Eden.  They usually go back to the first convenient and personally-appealing point in history they can find.  That's how come Barak Obama is Irish.  And all of the preceding 5 presidents.

I mean... spot the odd one out!*

CUCKOO CROC
(SOURCE: pigtown-design.blogspot.com)

So anyway, all this was running through my wooden, crocodilian mind earlier, when I was disturbed by my Keeper shouting, "You have got to be flipping joking!  You bunch of twerps!"  Or something like that.  He was watching England vs Switzerland.  It's a football match.  Turns out he doesn't like Switzerland much.  Coz when they were happy, it seem to make him annoyed.

Trouble is, I couldn't risk shouting for either side.  I couldn't.  Since, I don't know my Provenance, it is possible that I could actually be Swiss.  Well, as possible as anything.  Not all Swiss things are made out of chocolate or Nazi war gold.  That's a fallacy.  Some cuckoo clocks are handcrafted, wood-carved and even charming.

See my problem?

In the end it was a draw.  Just as well, really.

Take care,

Carl

* it's George W Bush, coz he's a twerp

Carl preps for the "Month of the Crocodile"



SOBEK

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jeff_Dahl

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jeff_Dahl



Well, it all kicks off tomorrow.  June 1st marks the start of the Month of the Crocodile.  Now, to be honest, crocodiles don't tend to celebrate it.  But that's because crocs don't tend to celebrate at all.  No, the Month of the Crocodile is a made-up thing.  And made-up things are human things.  Pretty much.

My keeper's making me write this.  He makes me write all sorts of junk.

Anyhow, what happens during the Month of the Crocodile is this:  People talk loads about crocodiles and remember the good times.  And the bad times.

They'll also do a bit of worshipping (OK, I added that bit while my keeper was making a cup of tea.)

See that customer on the left?  That's Sobek.  He's a genuine Egyptian god.  Check his head out.  It's a croc, init!  Makes me chuckle.  Well, legend has it (my keeper has it) that the festival of Sobek falls on June 30th and follows a month of reptilian revelry.  Which is a bit of a coincidence, if you think about it.  What with me going on eBay in June with a sale end date of the 30th.  Crazy, huh?

Long story short, you gotta think about crocs and bid on a certain false idol.  What false idol is that, I hear you asking...  That'll be yours truly:

Carl