Carl has a really long weekend

I'm on holiday!  Isn't that great?

The answer is "no".  It is not great.  When The Keeper told me that I didn't have to work for a week, I got really excited (although to be fair, that may have been the sun yesterday that did that).  I thought I was in for a week of sun, soggy shallows, slow food (fast food tends get away) in an exotic place far from home.  What do I get?  A cold, grey Bank Holiday at home with His Boringness.  It's not exactly what I call an action holiday.

And it's not just the Bank Holiday I'm getting.  Oh, no! I've been given the whole week off!  Surely, the ultimate "long weekend"?  Well, yes, you think so, wouldn't you?

"Where are you going, Carl?" I hear you ask (Go on.  Say it.  Out loud.  I dare you.  I don't care where you are.  Just say it.  Even if you're with people. They won't mind.  Did you say it?  Did you?  I bet you did... Let me know if you did).

Basking in the sun.  Somewhere hot (for a change).
[Photo: Jack Gilbert]

Perhaps you're thinking The Keeper's taking me to the Florida Everglades to see some distant relatives.  Or maybe somewhere hot like the South of France, or the Canary Islands?

Nowhere!  That's where I'm going!  Nowhere!  We're staying right here!  No sun, no soggy shallows, no food - fast, or slow - nowhere new and exciting, no nothing!  The Keeper calls it a "staycation".  I'm sure that's not even a real word and he should be ashamed of even thinking of using it.  The cheapskate is staying at home and he's making me stay here too.  Thanks a bunch, Keeper!  I can't contain my complete lack of excitement at going nowhere and seeing his fizzog every day for the next six days.

He could have at least waited until we had some sunshine.  It's a Bank Holiday, for crying out loud!  Does he really expect the British weather to give up its well established millennia-old pattern and actually give us some sun this week?  We had our one day of sunshine yesterday.  I knew it couldn't last.  Why do I let myself get so excited?  I should have known.

All I can say is, The Keeper had better be blooming creative with some day trips out this week if he wants to get back into my good books.

Oh, I've just checked online and apparently "staycation" is a word (because, as we all know, the Internet is always right).  OK, The Keeper can have that one.  I suppose he can't be wrong all of the time.

Wish me luck.  This could be the longest weekend ever.

I'm going to unpack my jumpers again...