Carl has a really long weekend

I'm on holiday!  Isn't that great?

The answer is "no".  It is not great.  When The Keeper told me that I didn't have to work for a week, I got really excited (although to be fair, that may have been the sun yesterday that did that).  I thought I was in for a week of sun, soggy shallows, slow food (fast food tends get away) in an exotic place far from home.  What do I get?  A cold, grey Bank Holiday at home with His Boringness.  It's not exactly what I call an action holiday.

And it's not just the Bank Holiday I'm getting.  Oh, no! I've been given the whole week off!  Surely, the ultimate "long weekend"?  Well, yes, you think so, wouldn't you?

"Where are you going, Carl?" I hear you ask (Go on.  Say it.  Out loud.  I dare you.  I don't care where you are.  Just say it.  Even if you're with people. They won't mind.  Did you say it?  Did you?  I bet you did... Let me know if you did).

Basking in the sun.  Somewhere hot (for a change).
[Photo: Jack Gilbert]

Perhaps you're thinking The Keeper's taking me to the Florida Everglades to see some distant relatives.  Or maybe somewhere hot like the South of France, or the Canary Islands?

Nowhere!  That's where I'm going!  Nowhere!  We're staying right here!  No sun, no soggy shallows, no food - fast, or slow - nowhere new and exciting, no nothing!  The Keeper calls it a "staycation".  I'm sure that's not even a real word and he should be ashamed of even thinking of using it.  The cheapskate is staying at home and he's making me stay here too.  Thanks a bunch, Keeper!  I can't contain my complete lack of excitement at going nowhere and seeing his fizzog every day for the next six days.

He could have at least waited until we had some sunshine.  It's a Bank Holiday, for crying out loud!  Does he really expect the British weather to give up its well established millennia-old pattern and actually give us some sun this week?  We had our one day of sunshine yesterday.  I knew it couldn't last.  Why do I let myself get so excited?  I should have known.

All I can say is, The Keeper had better be blooming creative with some day trips out this week if he wants to get back into my good books.

Oh, I've just checked online and apparently "staycation" is a word (because, as we all know, the Internet is always right).  OK, The Keeper can have that one.  I suppose he can't be wrong all of the time.

Wish me luck.  This could be the longest weekend ever.

I'm going to unpack my jumpers again...

Carl turns to the Dark Side...

You wait years for a jumper to come along then two turn up within the space of two weeks!

That's right, I have another jumper.  I think this one suits me far better.  It reflects my deep, dark, brooding nature.  It also scares the living daylights out of the local cats and twerpy puppies (and by that I mean it really scares them, not that it scares them like the 1987 film "The Living Daylights"...that's not scary).

Me in my new 'Dark Side' jumper.  Do you think it's more 'me'?
[Photo: Jack Gilbert]

The Keeper says it makes me look like I've turned the the Dark Side.  I don't know what that means, but he keep calling me Darth Crocous, breathes heavily then laughs and leaves the room humming a disturbing tune.  Trust me, for me to find something disturbing it must be truly disturbing!  Although it might just be his humming that makes it sound that way.

It's OK.  I'll get my own back on him sometime.  It may be tomorrow, or it may be ages yet.  I can wait.  I have a very long memory.  I'm a crocodile.  We have to have long memories.  We have to remember under which log we jammed the last poor soul we death-rolled.  We like to leave them a while to let them 'mature' in the watering hole and that takes time.  It's not like remembering to finish that lovely piece of Brie you bought recently and accidentally got pushed to the back of the fridge (is it, Keeper?  Is it?  C'mon, throw it away!  It's making the place stink!  And I'm used to eating things that have been wedged under logs for three weeks, for crying out loud!).

Anyway, perhaps I should embrace my dark side.  The nice weather didn't stay and it's made me grumpy again.  And the weather is always grey and grumpy so that would fit.  Whatever happened to Global Warming?  I'm a crocodile wearing a rather fetching woolen jumper in April.  If you ask me, that's more like Global Freezing than Global Warming!

At least I have my snazzy new jumper.  That's one 'Dark Side' I definitely want to embrace!

Carl's Back (again)!

It's warm again!  At last!  I can sit out in the sun bask and watch the world go by...

Yes, I'm back.  Have you missed me?  I know it's been a while (a very long while), but it's been so interminably cold for what seems like forever.  Even when it was warm I couldn't bring myself to write anything.  But I'm back now and hopefully so is the warmth.

Why has it been so cold?  Surely, whoever's in control of the weather knows that crocodile's don't do well in the cold, right?  We're reptiles.  Cold blooded beasts.  We don't just lie around basking in the heat of the sun just because we enjoy it...

It's warm again and I can go exploring outside (and bask)!
[Photo: Jack Gilbert]

OK, so yes, we do really enjoy basking in the sun, but it's also something that we need to do.  Basking in the sun keeps us going, gives us energy to swim, hunt, eat and do more basking.

And it's not just me that's noticed that it's still cold.  My keeper has been wandering around his flat muttering about "blasted heating still on in April" and "should have packed the jumpers away by now".  Quite frankly, I've seen some of his jumpers and he should be more concerned about burning them rather than packing them away!  Maybe that would have been a better way for them to keep him warm.

He has a point though.  Even I have had to give in and put something woolly on.  Well, I had a little help.  A nice lady, who knows The Keeper, put me in this woolly jumper.  She gave me a warm, furry bed to sleep on too!  Warm at last!  I can't tell you how happy that made me.  Actually, you can see in the photo how happy it made me.  I'm actually smiling (for once).  Why didn't The Keeper think of giving me a jumper?  I should fire him and make the nice lady my new keeper.

Me in my jumper and on my furry bed (Photo: Jack Gilbert)

Although, I'm not sure if the jumper suits me or not.  I'm a crocodile.  I don't normally wear clothes, yet alone woolly clothes.  I don't anything about fashion. The only other animals I know that wear clothes are twerpy puppies that walk round with little waistcoats, or rain coats over their fur coats.  Why do they do that?They've got fur and then have the audacity to wear something over the top. I've only got scales and I'm cold-blooded.  And what do I wear? Nothing!

They don't know they're born, if you ask me...

Anyway, I should be happy.  No, I am happy.  I spent today sitting outside with the Keeper and enjoyed the sunshine (I also gave the local cats the evil eye).  I've made a new friend and it's warm again, so I can start going out, watch what happens and and tell you all what's going on and what I think about it.

I haven't got anything earth-shatteringly important to say this week.  I just wanted to let you know I'm back...