Carl's "staycation"

I thought this "staycation" lark was going to be rubbish, but actually been quite good fun!

Even though it was supposed to be a kind of holiday, I found myself being really busy.  I've been on three different excursions and I have to say, while the The Keeper wasn't as creative as I wanted him to be, I found all three trips out to be lots of fun!

Yes, imagine that!  Me.  Having fun!  Well, imagine no more, for I had it aplenty!

The first trip was to the zoo!  Oh, yes.  You read that right!  The ZOO!  It was awesome.  OK, so it wasn't the kind of zoo that has crocodiles (obviously, a zoo with crocodiles is the best kind of zoo, in my opinion) but there were plenty of other animals that satisfied my interest.

Kudus not to be confused with kudos.
Kudus are a kind of antelope and tastier!
[Photo: Jack Gilbert]

Mainly they satisfied the part of my interest controlled by my stomach (antelope, hogs and other specimens you may find loitering carelessly on the shore of a certain crocodile's favourite watering-hole...), but there were others that satisfied my wider appreciation of the animal kingdom.

The predators.

To be fair it was a really, really hot day (The Keeper scored extra kudos points for that) and they weren't looking their most predatory.  Even so, I could appreciate their power and why they occupy places towards the top of the food chain.  Got to respect them, even though they're just big cats!

Even though they're just big cats,
you have to respect tigers.
[Photo: Jack Gilbert]

As if that wasn't a big enough surprise, The Keeper then took me to the beach a couple of days later!  I can't remember the last time I saw the sea (actually, I can. It was when The Keeper whisked me away to Scotland two years ago - hint, hint Keeper...).

OK, so it wasn't the South of France, or somewhere fancy, but it was good to bask in the blistering heat (yet more kudos points for The Keeper) on the shore of a large body of water again, even if that water was a little bit on the salty side for my liking.  Despite that I was disappointed when it was time to go home (mainly because there were some delicious-looking twerpy puppies heading our way).

A Carl's-eye view of The White
Cliffs of Dover...I've only got little legs!
[Photo: Jack Gilbert]

And today, I've just got back from a long walk.  Well, The Keeper did all the walking.  We went to see the legendary White Cliffs of Dover!  Usually, I see them in pictures and it's from out at sea, so it was a little different (not to mention a little weird) seeing them from the top.  I must confess that being up so high did unsettle me.  Not much unsettles me, and I hate to admit it, but it appears that really big heights do.  It's not natural for a crocodile to be up so high, so it must be something in our genes that does it.

I think I'll have to work on getting used to heights.  It didn't seem to bother the hundreds of other people who were walking along the cliffs.  Some of them were little children and twerpy puppies!  I can't have them strolling around along cliff tops all bolshy and happy while I'm looking all nervous and anxious.  That just won't do!

So, that's my first "staycation" over.  I still can't bring myself to write the word without the quotes, but at least the idea isn't quite as abhorrent to me now as it was.  So it was rather good and I enjoyed it.  I won't be so anxious about the next one, but I would prefer a proper holiday somewhere far away (Hint, hint Keeper...).

Oh, I've changed.  I never would have said that before this week...

Oh well, back to normality this week.  Whatever that is!

Carl has a really long weekend

I'm on holiday!  Isn't that great?

The answer is "no".  It is not great.  When The Keeper told me that I didn't have to work for a week, I got really excited (although to be fair, that may have been the sun yesterday that did that).  I thought I was in for a week of sun, soggy shallows, slow food (fast food tends get away) in an exotic place far from home.  What do I get?  A cold, grey Bank Holiday at home with His Boringness.  It's not exactly what I call an action holiday.

And it's not just the Bank Holiday I'm getting.  Oh, no! I've been given the whole week off!  Surely, the ultimate "long weekend"?  Well, yes, you think so, wouldn't you?

"Where are you going, Carl?" I hear you ask (Go on.  Say it.  Out loud.  I dare you.  I don't care where you are.  Just say it.  Even if you're with people. They won't mind.  Did you say it?  Did you?  I bet you did... Let me know if you did).

Basking in the sun.  Somewhere hot (for a change).
[Photo: Jack Gilbert]

Perhaps you're thinking The Keeper's taking me to the Florida Everglades to see some distant relatives.  Or maybe somewhere hot like the South of France, or the Canary Islands?

Nowhere!  That's where I'm going!  Nowhere!  We're staying right here!  No sun, no soggy shallows, no food - fast, or slow - nowhere new and exciting, no nothing!  The Keeper calls it a "staycation".  I'm sure that's not even a real word and he should be ashamed of even thinking of using it.  The cheapskate is staying at home and he's making me stay here too.  Thanks a bunch, Keeper!  I can't contain my complete lack of excitement at going nowhere and seeing his fizzog every day for the next six days.

He could have at least waited until we had some sunshine.  It's a Bank Holiday, for crying out loud!  Does he really expect the British weather to give up its well established millennia-old pattern and actually give us some sun this week?  We had our one day of sunshine yesterday.  I knew it couldn't last.  Why do I let myself get so excited?  I should have known.

All I can say is, The Keeper had better be blooming creative with some day trips out this week if he wants to get back into my good books.

Oh, I've just checked online and apparently "staycation" is a word (because, as we all know, the Internet is always right).  OK, The Keeper can have that one.  I suppose he can't be wrong all of the time.

Wish me luck.  This could be the longest weekend ever.

I'm going to unpack my jumpers again...

Carl turns to the Dark Side...

You wait years for a jumper to come along then two turn up within the space of two weeks!

That's right, I have another jumper.  I think this one suits me far better.  It reflects my deep, dark, brooding nature.  It also scares the living daylights out of the local cats and twerpy puppies (and by that I mean it really scares them, not that it scares them like the 1987 film "The Living Daylights"...that's not scary).

Me in my new 'Dark Side' jumper.  Do you think it's more 'me'?
[Photo: Jack Gilbert]

The Keeper says it makes me look like I've turned the the Dark Side.  I don't know what that means, but he keep calling me Darth Crocous, breathes heavily then laughs and leaves the room humming a disturbing tune.  Trust me, for me to find something disturbing it must be truly disturbing!  Although it might just be his humming that makes it sound that way.

It's OK.  I'll get my own back on him sometime.  It may be tomorrow, or it may be ages yet.  I can wait.  I have a very long memory.  I'm a crocodile.  We have to have long memories.  We have to remember under which log we jammed the last poor soul we death-rolled.  We like to leave them a while to let them 'mature' in the watering hole and that takes time.  It's not like remembering to finish that lovely piece of Brie you bought recently and accidentally got pushed to the back of the fridge (is it, Keeper?  Is it?  C'mon, throw it away!  It's making the place stink!  And I'm used to eating things that have been wedged under logs for three weeks, for crying out loud!).

Anyway, perhaps I should embrace my dark side.  The nice weather didn't stay and it's made me grumpy again.  And the weather is always grey and grumpy so that would fit.  Whatever happened to Global Warming?  I'm a crocodile wearing a rather fetching woolen jumper in April.  If you ask me, that's more like Global Freezing than Global Warming!

At least I have my snazzy new jumper.  That's one 'Dark Side' I definitely want to embrace!

Carl's Back (again)!

It's warm again!  At last!  I can sit out in the sun bask and watch the world go by...

Yes, I'm back.  Have you missed me?  I know it's been a while (a very long while), but it's been so interminably cold for what seems like forever.  Even when it was warm I couldn't bring myself to write anything.  But I'm back now and hopefully so is the warmth.

Why has it been so cold?  Surely, whoever's in control of the weather knows that crocodile's don't do well in the cold, right?  We're reptiles.  Cold blooded beasts.  We don't just lie around basking in the heat of the sun just because we enjoy it...

It's warm again and I can go exploring outside (and bask)!
[Photo: Jack Gilbert]

OK, so yes, we do really enjoy basking in the sun, but it's also something that we need to do.  Basking in the sun keeps us going, gives us energy to swim, hunt, eat and do more basking.

And it's not just me that's noticed that it's still cold.  My keeper has been wandering around his flat muttering about "blasted heating still on in April" and "should have packed the jumpers away by now".  Quite frankly, I've seen some of his jumpers and he should be more concerned about burning them rather than packing them away!  Maybe that would have been a better way for them to keep him warm.

He has a point though.  Even I have had to give in and put something woolly on.  Well, I had a little help.  A nice lady, who knows The Keeper, put me in this woolly jumper.  She gave me a warm, furry bed to sleep on too!  Warm at last!  I can't tell you how happy that made me.  Actually, you can see in the photo how happy it made me.  I'm actually smiling (for once).  Why didn't The Keeper think of giving me a jumper?  I should fire him and make the nice lady my new keeper.

Me in my jumper and on my furry bed (Photo: Jack Gilbert)

Although, I'm not sure if the jumper suits me or not.  I'm a crocodile.  I don't normally wear clothes, yet alone woolly clothes.  I don't anything about fashion. The only other animals I know that wear clothes are twerpy puppies that walk round with little waistcoats, or rain coats over their fur coats.  Why do they do that?They've got fur and then have the audacity to wear something over the top. I've only got scales and I'm cold-blooded.  And what do I wear? Nothing!

They don't know they're born, if you ask me...

Anyway, I should be happy.  No, I am happy.  I spent today sitting outside with the Keeper and enjoyed the sunshine (I also gave the local cats the evil eye).  I've made a new friend and it's warm again, so I can start going out, watch what happens and and tell you all what's going on and what I think about it.

I haven't got anything earth-shatteringly important to say this week.  I just wanted to let you know I'm back...

Carl tries to be a fan

I know I said in my last post that I was back and said how I was going to be really regular - as in posting things on my blog, not the other kind of being regular...that's all hunky-dory thanks - but there been so much to do over the last few weeks.  I've just been far too busy to post anything.  OK, maybe busy isn't the right word.  I've been occupied, shall we say.

I've become a fan.  Yeah, I'm as surprised as you probably are.  Never thought in a million years I'd hear myself say those four little words.  Although, thinking about it, I have been a fan of things before.  I've always been a fan of eating puppies for example.  And I've been a fan of the old "death-roll" method of killing prey since I was a junior croc' (huge fan of the old "death-roll" me).

But they're just preferences compared to being a real fan. A sports fan.  Everyone's a sports fan at the moment.  Or so it seems.  And I'm discovering that there are so many different sports you that can be a fan of...

Carl is back!

It probably seems to you like ages since I posted anything.  That's the problem with you humans, always thinking about things like time and what you do with it and where it goes.  I'm a crocodile and we can lie in wait for a very long time for a juicy piece of prey to come along.  We have to wait until the moment is right to pounce and drag our dinner-to-be into the depths, then we have to wedge it under a log or something and wait longer still for it to rot a little at the bottom of the river before we actually eat it (and you thought it waiting three minutes for your microwave meal was a long time...).

So you see for a crocodile time is just not worth marking.

Anyway, I'm back.  And with a new keeper.  Don't ask what happened to the last two.  It's a desperate tail that may take some time for me to get over.  Maybe I'll blog about it when it's not so fresh and painful (and I run out of interesting stuff to tell you).  However, this new keeper has promised to look after me properly - although I'm not entirely sure he realises what that will actually entail.  Poor, foolish human...

I have to say though he's made a promising start because the first thing he did was that he whisked me away on an exotic holiday.  OK, so it was an exotic holiday to Scotland, but trust me, when you've been stuck on an office partition for the last three years anywhere is exotic!

And I saw it all! Lochs, stock and barrel.  The lochs especially were really cool.  I'm a crocodile.  Lurking like a bored log in a river, lake, loch - whatever - that's my thing.  It's what I live to do.  So you can imagine my excitement when I saw how many lochs there are!

Me on holiday - see how chilled I am?
(source: my new keeper)

That's me by one in the picture. Look at all that lovely water.  It's a big loch.  Stretches as far as my crocodile eyes could see.  OK, it's a salt water loch and I'm a fresh water crocodile but it's been so long since I've seen water I don't care.  It's wet and wavy.  That's all that matters.  But see, I'm hiding in the grass.  Just like the old days.  I've not lost my touch.

Oh and I guess those mountains are cool too.  If you like that sort of land-based frippery.

But the point is I'm relaxing.  See how chilled I look there?  Yes, I know I'm cold-blooded and chilled is my natural state when the sun's not out, but there I'm intentionally chilling.  I'm content and stress-free.  I've not really been that relaxed before and it was quite a revelation.  And it didn't happen just the once either.

You can't see the cowardly birds hiding on the rock - but I can
(source: my new keeper again)

See, that's me beside the sea.  Yes, more salt water, I know.  My new keeper doesn't seem to understand yet that I'm a freshwater crocodile but I'm working on that.  He's new and has much to learn about crocodiles.  But can you see how relaxed I am there too?  It's mainly because I'm imaging eating one of those cowardly birds who spent the whole time hiding out on that rock, even so I'm a happy snapper there.

I've been told holidays are stressful, costly and leave you more tired needing time to recover.  Well not this one. This one was truly refreshing and invigorating.  I feel more energised and ready to face the world again.

And I want to go back to Scotland.  Yes, I very definitely want to go back, just as soon as I can convince my new keeper to take me back.  All those lovely lochs to explore!  Thousands of them!  Hopefully even some freshwater lochs this time.  How brilliant is that?  Apparently I've got a distant relation living up there too.  A very distant relation - Loch Ness is a long way away - and she is very old...

But that's for later.  Right now I'm back home and ready to face the world again!  Now where shall I go for my next holiday...?

Carl

Carl enjoys his new job

Well it's been quite a couple of weeks, I can tell you. I'm an employee now.  Well not paid or anything... although it wouldn't hurt if they slipped me the odd wildebeest/puppy.  No, I am what you would call an honorary employee.  And it's all good.


Keep Carl
Source: Rockhard Creations



I no longer sit on the storage heater, watching the telly.  Telly was getting a bit boring anyway.  Now, I sit on a desk divider in a big old office.  And it's all going on there.  I've learnt a lot.  I now know loads of really specialist job stuff, like facebook and football and even buses.  Buses are what humans use because they don't have a powerful propulsive tail, like crocs.



I'm also starting to understand what it means to be a mascot.  What it is, is that every now and again you get fondled thoughfully.  It's like I'm a source of inspiration.  And from what I understand, things been going well since I've been there.

Anyway.  Just thought I'd check in.  It's been ages since I blogged.  Almost two weeks.  It's not laziness, though; it's busyness.  And right now, busyness is good.

Best regards

Carl